In this guest blog, HELOA South East Group VC (Training) and Access Manager (Pre 16) from University of Southampton, Joe Cunningham shares a refreshingly honest and personal account of his experience attending the HELOA National Conference 2025. If you’re unsure about booking for the next conference, this read might just give you the encouragement you need.
A Different Kind of Conference Reflection
“To be completely honest, I wasn’t looking forward to it. The aim was to reconnect with the sector and see the value in my own work – something I’ve been struggling with a lot lately. But as the date approached, I felt more and more apprehensive.”
That was the opening to my LinkedIn post reflecting on my experience at the HELOA National Conference. I knew I had to post (because if you were at a conference and haven’t reflected on it on LinkedIn, were you even there?), but I was also aware that my angle was quite different from many others.
It was my first residential conference since the 2017 New Practitioners’ Conference – pre-kids, pre-pandemic, pre-worries. My biggest concerns? That everyone would know each other, be working on far more exciting projects than me, and that I’d feel completely out of my depth. I’ve never been the most confident in networking situations, so the additional social time – sold as a highlight – felt more like something to endure. And with how busy work and home life are, I felt a real pressure to make it “worthwhile.”
Spoiler alert: I was worried about nothing!
Finding My Feet
That’s not to say I felt immediately at ease. Lunch on the first day? Sat on my own. Dinner on the opening evening? Three laps of the restaurant desperately looking for a solo spot before finally settling in the first-timers’ section. But gradually, things started to shift.
In table discussions, I realised people were taking me seriously. I found myself engaging in conversations, contributing ideas, and actually wanting to. I decided to go along to the quiz with those I’d just met at dinner – the same people I’d be on the dancefloor with the following night.
A Turning Point
The moment that really changed things for me came on day two. During the panel discussion with former HELOA chairs, Joe Bradbury-Walters spoke about how he still finds conferences overwhelming. His words hit home. Up until that moment, I had assumed I was one of only a few people struggling to navigate the experience. Hearing that even those who seem confident feel the same way made me realise: maybe there is space for me in this environment.
I also started to recognise that not every moment needed to be filled with conversation and networking. The balance that worked for me involved stepping away when needed – going for a run, taking time to read a book, or even just having a quiet wander around Stratford-upon-Avon in the early morning before the conference started. These moments of reset made all the difference.
And I wasn’t alone in needing them. One of the most reassuring things I heard on day one?
“How long until check-in? I need to lie down in a quiet room.”
There’s a reason HELOA provides quiet spaces and gives attendees permission to skip a session if needed. It’s because these events, while valuable, can also be overwhelming. And that’s okay.
What I Learned
The biggest realisation? Almost everyone feels the same way.
Since posting about my experience, I’ve had colleagues, people I met at the conference, and even old university housemates working in completely different sectors reach out to say, “I thought I was the only one who felt like this.” Even those who seemed the most at ease – presenting, networking, leading discussions – admitted to feeling just as out of place at times.
For anyone new to conferences (or returning after a long break like me), here are a few things that helped:
1. Embrace the awkward small talk
Be ready for the standard “Where do you work?” and “What do you do?” questions. It might feel forced at first, but take an interest in people’s responses – you’ll be surprised how naturally conversations can flow from there.
2. Plan your ‘escape routes’
There are always opportunities to step away. I found it helpful to plan my downtime – whether that was knowing I had time for a cuppa and a book before dinner or giving myself the option of either going to the quiz or heading back to my room to watch The Traitors. Having those choices made socialising feel less overwhelming.
3. Be kind to yourself
Conferences are a different world from our day-to-day roles, and it’s normal to feel out of your depth. Remind yourself that plenty of others feel the same way.
4. Push yourself – just a little
Pick one thing that’s outside your comfort zone. That might be initiating a conversation, offering an idea in a discussion, or attending a social event. If it goes well, great. If not, you still showed up – and that’s enough.
What’s Next?
I came into this conference apprehensive, but I’ve left with a whole new perspective. It opened my eyes to the regional group structure and the professional development opportunities within HELOA. It even gave me the confidence to put myself forward for the role of VC (Training) in the South East Group, and I’m pleased to say I was successful! Already this has opened up a new network and an exciting professional pathway for me.
But more than anything, it’s reminded me that vulnerability isn’t a weakness. Joe’s honesty in the panel session gave me the confidence to be open about my own experiences. And the response to my LinkedIn post – far greater than I ever imagined – has helped me see that I’m not alone in these feelings.
So, if you’re nervous about attending a conference in the future, my advice? Take the plunge – you might surprise yourself.
But more importantly, know that it’s okay to have doubts. The people you assume have it all figured out? They’re probably thinking the same thing about you.